i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
