Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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