you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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