So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
