Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Damn victory sex feels great
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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