I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
