I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
