rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
