I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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