Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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