i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
