he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
