did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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