batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
