I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
