Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
