id be glad to
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
