i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
