I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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