I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
