Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
