Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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