It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
