Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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