Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
