you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
