Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
