Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
