Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
