grandma shit on top of the toilet
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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