The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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