im about as happy as oj after his trial
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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