You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
