Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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