yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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