she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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