Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
