Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Randomize
