Kiss
Puke
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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