The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Randomize
