i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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