Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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