Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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