It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
