No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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