two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
