at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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