My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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