Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
