i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
