Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
