i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
