Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
