Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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