reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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