your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
