She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
