I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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