who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
