is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
