Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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