Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
