Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The best revenge is premature balding
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
